Making Your Limits Clear
According to Oxford Bibliographies “the leading cause of war in human history involves Territorial or Boundary Disputes”. Over 800 territorial disputes have been identified globally since 1816 by the Issue Correlates Of War (ICOW) Project – a research project which collects systematic data on contentious issues in world politics. These disputes have led to militarized conflicts more frequently than any other type of diplomatic friction, resulting in the loss of countless lives and properties.
Nigeria has also had her share of boundary disputes. We can recall the prolonged disagreement with Cameroon over the possession of The Bakassi Peninsula, which led to considerable tension between the two countries. From 1981, both countries were at the brink of war over Bakassi, with more armed clashes breaking out in the early 1990s. Eventually, Cameroon took the matter to the International Court of Justice (ICJ) in 1994, and got a ruling in their favour in the year 2002.
That brief history was to stress the importance of Boundary Setting to countries. Nigeria, like every other country has its own National Boundary Commission to manage and monitor the nation’s borders.
Boundary setting is not only important to countries, we as individuals should also set healthy boundaries for ourselves. By doing this, you determine the limits for what is allowed or not allowed in your life. This is very crucial for your own well-being and that of others. The truth is, Boundary Setting can be a very unpleasant task but it is necessary for a truly productive life.
3 tips that will help you set and maintain healthy boundaries in any area of your life:
- Know Yourself
For every country, a good knowledge of their territories is the first step to setting their boundaries. In the same way, a good understanding of yourself; your values, capabilities and even limitations help you to know what is acceptable to you. Knowing yourself is a process. You might need to take a personality test or speak with people you consider stakeholders in your life – who will tell you the truth. You would also need a lot of “Me Times” to reflect. As you do these, you need to be brutally honest with yourself. Then, you can go on to determine the boundaries for the important areas of your life.
- Identify and Communicate Boundaries Ahead
Knowing yourself will help you to identify your limits and set clear markers. Furthermore, it is very crucial to communicate your boundaries ahead of time. This may save you the trouble of managing unpleasant situations after the “deed has been done”. When people around you already know what you will accept in the context of the relationship you have with them, it’s easier to get along and make the most of the relationship. For instance, if you don’t want your colleagues to relate with you in a certain way, it’s good to respectfully communicate it. Make it as clear as possible.
- Enforce Your Boundaries
As you would expect, your boundaries would be crossed sometimes, whether intentionally or not. People will tend to push your limits even after it has been communicated to them. When such incidences occur, do not be scared to engage the issue and communicate appropriately. Yes, you should manage relationships as best as you can, sometimes all you’ll need to do is to simply call the erring party to sort things out or probably avoid them for a while – if possible. However, some relationships should be severed if they infringe repeatedly on the boundaries you’ve set. The point is; don’t hesitate to enforce your boundaries if violated.
My friend, building healthy boundaries takes time, practice and can be an uncomfortable experience; however – if you want to see the best version of yourself, it’s an exercise you must commit to.
Remember, You Have Only One Life to Live, MAKE IT COUNT.
